You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I'm sobbing to NWA
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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