where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
