I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
