His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
