I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I have feelings that need drinking.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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