Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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