mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
