The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
