i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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