It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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