i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
