if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
