I hope mine doesn't look like that
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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