So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
We left the knife in your bed.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
