Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize