If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
