my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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