my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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