and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
