Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
