every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
