i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
