just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
