my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
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