Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
is it fun? or sober?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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