Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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