i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Some Animals Are Total Jerks (10+ pics)
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
he laminated a picture of his dick.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.