Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
