He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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