so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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