a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
