You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
