She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize
