I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize