Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
