420 ftw
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
