Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i would punch a child for taco bell
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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