Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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