you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
