Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
whose parrot is this?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
