so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
