Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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