i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
