you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
oh god was she eating orange peels again
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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