yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
