The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
