no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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