I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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