i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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