Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
