six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
When are your genitals available?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
