It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
