News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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