there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
