Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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