Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
