Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
